Embracing the shadows

Been doing quite a bit of thinking on religion recently. Sometimes, I really wish things were back in the old days. When religion gave me a kind of security and a kind of anchor through which I viewed life. But I realize that quickly didn't last for me. I don't know when the anchor became a chain and all my questions quickly became self doubts and questions of whether I have little faith or was it Satan I'm hearing(hm...). I still believe that religious teachings have alot to offer our lives, but I also found out that conventional, organized religion is not for me. I find it hard to learn there. Of course, as always I can only speak for myself. I find it mentally and even spiritually constraining sometimes, especially since I learn through asking questions. especially tough questions. I can't help it. It's just the way I learn. I really don't blame the organization, it is how organized religion thrive. On a kind of massive consent and a common believe. The idea of unity is especially emphasized. The church does try hard to promote individuality and uniqueness, but at the end of the day, it is a place where people with common believes and outlook in life gather. It is hard to be different, and even harder to ask some questions that you should not really ask. "Do you really belive?" I was often asked back. But how can I explain that I do believe but for me this believe pushes me to ask questions that I truly care about. I ask them because I believe. And I believe that God in his infintely wisdom and love gave me this ability to question, doubt, learn, destroy, rebuild and believe. So there really is no paradox between questions and believe. But there is a difference between enlightened faith and blind folly-the refusal to see otherwise.

The wonderful thing about the whole system of organized religion is that you don't have to struggle alone, there are shoulders around for you to lean on. Wonderful friends and fellow believers who are going through similar trials. You are there for one another. They make wonderful friends. But the downside is that disagreement and wrong questions are not encouraged. Almost repressed. But the thing that this system misses out is that disagreement and questions (especially the most important ones) are so vital to growth and learning. That sometimes, organized religion can stunt the growth of one's faith. (for example: mine) It ended becoming a place where I learnt from one authoritative voice on interpretations of the holy bible. You are of course free to disagree, but the whole thing works in a such a way that should you doubt your pastor's teaching, you are bound to feel certain amount of guilt and distrust your own instincts. (Again, you ask yourself is it Satan?) I do not want to give the impression that religion is not very much a personal relationship and struggle.It is. Very personal, in fact it sometimes get lonely. But I do want to point out that as all things in this world are. There are things that may suit one but not the other. And even though church may be the spiritual light that guides many, it cannot be so for me.

For one, I like opening my mind, stretching it. Sometimes, despite all my trying, I just find choosing to adopt a religion so completely as to make it my whole life would mean that I'm choosing one way of viewing the world. And the more staunchly I adhere to that viewpoint, the more faithful I am by that definition.

Moreover, religions tend to reject new in favour of the old. I have often wondered what is it about science that repels religion so badly to make it a threat to religion? From debates about the ethics of cloning to the continued debate about Darwin's evolution theory. I do not understand why is there this rejection. Science and religion are not intrinsically incompatible. It is the people who rejects, not the things in themselves. What seems obviously offensive about Darwin's theory is that it contradicts the Bible's Genesis, and makes man descendants of apes instead of God's special creation. BUT what is not so obivous is that Darwin believed very deeply in a creator. And from his studies of how creatures can adapt so beautiful and evolve such intricate and complicated adaptive features, he firmly felt that things in nature had a designer and a creator.


But more importantly, I DO NOT believe that other religions are untrue or tools of the devil. If only people of various religions would choose to see, there are more common than there are differences in all major religions of the world.

Gandhi said " Religions are different roads converging to the same point. What does it matter that we take different roads so long as we reach the same goal? In reality there are as many religion as there are individuals."

I am amazed and inspired by the idea that we are all more alike and connected than we know. And religion in the modern day has become a divisive tool. But perhaps one day, we may see that we really aren't that different. And perhaps one day, differences and questions will be treasured along with the notion that within all these diversity there is an underlying universality that binds us. And that despite all our different paths and surfaces, there is a common root from which humanity springs. Godspeed this day.