This morning's guilt trip
Why are some old folks so bitter? I always see some of these eager to snap, judgmental, angry with the younger generation, bitter old folks peppered out in Singapore. Ambushing you at unlikely places to rub off a bit of their displeasure with everything on anyone who passes them by. Always with a complaint, grumble or scoldings at hand. I don’t know how to feel about them. Do I feel sorry? Irritated? Or a kind of can’t-be-botheredness. If I feel sorry, I feel like I’m patronizing, I have no right to feel sorry for them. I don’t know their stories. What would make them turn out bitter, cynical and angry in their old age. I have no right to judge them. If I feel irritated I know I am being mean. If I ignore them, that is probably the best solution but it is also cruel at the same time. Afterall, it might be because they are so often ignored that they turn so sour. Is it because they feel left behind in a society they no longer can understand. Nor is anyone giving them the due-respect they feel they deserve?
Why are they so angry with the world? Just this morning, I was rushing to work so I walked quickly past an old couple, but I didn’t push them or anything, I just passed by them quickly. I heard a very bitter grumble. It was nothing really, but somehow, this bothered me. I kept wondering if I have been insensitive to rush by them, but then I wonder what else could I have done other than to pass by them quickly. Perhaps, they hate being overtaken by unfeeling young people. Who do not care enough that they can’t catch up with the pace of everything now-a-days. Maybe they want to slow down but the world won’t let them? I don’t know. I always envisioned old age to come with more wisdom, more tolerance and forgiveness and acceptance that the world is not a happy place, but we can still make the most of our time and try to be happy or something along this line. I just felt sad, hearing such bitterness against something I had no idea that would even offend. Perhaps, no one gives them the kind of respect they expected from the younger generation. Perhaps, when I sped by them this morning, it was merely symbolic of what they have felt all along: that the society treats old folks as burdens, as obstacles, blocking the road for younger generation rushing about their lives. I don’t know why I feel so bothered. But I am.
What happens to the child-like part of us that is so precious in order to appreciate the world and still see the beauty as we grow older? I watched “Cars” yesterday, and I am still amazed by cartoons, how they speak to the child in us, and you know that the innocent child-part of yourself is still there even though you forget it once in a while. Honestly, I don’t know how to make it better. Should I have said sorry? But who am I saying sorry for, myself, the younger generation, the society, the 21st century? I don’t know. And what does sorry mean to these old folks anyway. It probably doesn’t mean much to them. But then, so are the younger generations facing a dilemma, a kind of guilt. It is intense, because they can’t be both the filial child, accommodating to the needs of older folks without giving up some of the drive which pushes them to want to succeed in this competitive world. And this guilt will confront me the next time I see old folks on my way to work. Should I overtake them?
There