Stinkin' Pirates

I know I told Felicia I shall not talk about "Pirates of carribean" but the temptation to thrash it is too great. I simply cannot resist. It is a shit show! Urgh! Ok. I hated it to the core! It is stupid and a lousy Hollywood blockbuster out to cheat fans of the first Pirates of their money and time. Ok now that I have gotten it off my chest. Maybe I should think about why I hated the show so darn much.

1) the story was shit

2) The characters were rubbishly established

3) there were lots of actions 90% predictable put there only to awe the audience, but honestly we are really all too mature for that kind of stuff. I sat through the show going, "ok they are probably gonna jump onto that (and they did) and then this would happen (and it did) and the list goes on...

4) the jokes were terrible (totally un-funny). There is a difference between silly-rubbish slapstick actions and good jokes. I only laughed twice throughout the whole thing. What the first "pirates' did so successfully--not allow good jokes to degnerate into pure nonsense. The sequel reversed completely (equally successfully)

5) I hated how Elizabeth swann was a screamer, the archetype 'female schemer', a failed feminist and a floppy character who could have been eliminated from the story with little or no effect on the storyline.
(The part when she had a chance to prove her worth by shooting at a large target of hanging barrels, she screamed and was caught by giant squid, only to have Cpt Jack save the day..)

6) The sea monster was totally unterrifying. It was lame watching horrified faces when the sea monster is soooo ridiculous. A giant squid? Cant' they be more original? give me a break.

7) the villain was so un-villainy. He was in all aspects a pathetic villain. once again totally unterrifying. I was hoping someone would laugh at his bad makeup. But apparently all the extras were told to act really scared as best as they can at the silly mask.

8) They tried to inject some kind of theme or coherent meaning into the show. They really tried. Black Pearl=freedom? Cpt jack's honest streak. Too bad it all came out a jumbled mess. With everything neither here nor there. Cpt jack is neither selfish nor noble, the black pearl is neither very treasured not worthless (cos apparently after letting it get swallowed by squid, they are planning to get it back again.)

9) Characters from the first just convenient pop up in the second pirates, wth no explanation offered they are suddenly totally opposite. Comodore turned drunk. Villain who has died is resurrected to become a hero. Everything in the film was too convenient.

10) The show said nothing afterall. Everything that happened in the show was erased. We are all back to square one. Then why bother even watching this movie? MIght as well just skip it and watch the 3rd.

Ok, I rest my case.
'stinkin' Pirates'.
If looked at it in another light, perhaps this show is too true to itself. It was a bloody cheat--just like a pirate.