Recently it just strikes me how hard it is sometimes for one to go against the grain and paddle upstream against the strong tide of societal pressures. I don't know but I am still very adamant about being true to myself and not falling into traps which attempt to make me feel insecure or insufficient. I still find the beauty trap for women sometimes work for them but sometimes also against them. (strange that I should say them, when I really should mean we) But it would be unfair for me to say this, because perhaps there is as much pressure on men to attain certain successes in certain areas in their lives--such as financial independence, emotional control and restrain etc.
What does it mean to be a single girl in the 21st century who refuses in many ways to follow the mainstream. Am I a feminist? I don't think so. I don't believe there is a gender war here, nor do I believe that we must play games to come out on the top or taht we still have to flatter the (still very much)male-dominated world and sooth male ego to get things our way, nor do we need to threaten to destroy men's need to be dominant or be in control. No. I don't believe that women are from venus and men are from mars--I believe that we are both sharing a planet earth and although we are different we can come to an understanding and agreement. But what do I know? do I know men well enough to say with confidence "hey look here, I don't have to fit into certain moulds and expected behaviors in order to make you understand that we are equals. Just different." No. But I know what I want and that I am not the only person to want that. And I can safely say that men and women want this--to be respected and understood and taken on our own terms.
So what can I say to girls and women who are so unhappy with themselves because they cannot attain that mythical beauty which would bring them happiness, love and respect from men and women alike in the form of curves, slim-ness, long hair, high heels or make up? It is all good that we feel good in our own skin but if the skin becomes an obsession, an obstacle to reaching something deeper inside, and if the definition of a self is something totally external and on the surface now, what will happen when the skin no longer is taunt with youth and the hair greys and disappears--which is our eventual fate. I dread to think of what would happen to these people, to find that their selves are slowly dissolving with years instead of an increasing certainty of the self. Perhaps this is the disease of our modern day glittery world. That in spite of all our things we are unhappy and will always be made dissatisfied with ourselves.
That more we get the emptier we are. The more time and effort we spend on the outside, the less we build inside. But maybe I am just a lazy woman who refuses to dress up/make up to please the world. I don't know what to think. I do know what I miss though that kind of nonjudgmental existence as a child where the world has layers waiting to be exposed and things are never what they seem. Perhaps I have yet to grow up to face a world where sometimes what you see is what you get.
There
Especially when I start to work, I stuff my ward robe with a variety of styles, and types matching up to the new kind of zeal and enthusiam wild with a new birth to attempt and dare. After all, my found belief that age is on my side for at least now, gives me a liberty more than jus a reason to wear all I want.
But one thing i realise-- my jeans and shirt ar always up on bad days; they are jus an arm off the hanger, easy to match and fit. And mainly, I jus want to be those comfy soft thng, when I jus want to be myself...
I feel sometimes, the more we think we want to be ourselves,we may make us more confuse and adamant to even our own held principles. becasue of pressure, we tell oursleves to "not to change, not to conform" yet part of it, deep within, we really want to explore. self discovery is a natural exploration, a growth process, not a smoldering of natural talents and being.
So, do what ur heart feels like, as long u know u are not pressure by people, coax by them, there's no need to feel guilty.
Fren, remembered in JC, u were the one who started ear rings, long hair etc...Tot u really had ur own sense of dressing then...
by the way, I recently pierced my ear..wahaha!! all for the motto of "jus want to try1!"
Cheers~~~~
Dear Li,
Thanks but I'm sick of it leh.. that subtle pressure on woman to look good--it is the first and foremost thing expected of women. To appear nice and then secondarily you can be talented, nice whatever.
Of course dressing is self-exploration and discovery. But then, it just gets tiring when you feel that whatever is on the outside just doesn't seem important. At least that's what I honestly feel, I just want to wear the same shirt and jeans every day. But then it gets hard if you have to work and people do judge you. I don't know...
I am not caring much now, but then that pressure is still there like it or not. That's what I don't like.
Oh! And you know what makes me more mad?? This mass-production mode of the definition of beauty. It erks me. It's true. This society now is really focused on the external. And this massive fear of aging!!!!! Oh LI, I can't quite put this anger in words. It is not just a matter of looking nice for your own sake. It is how everywhere there are things to remind you subtly that you are not enough, you need pretty clothes, make up, more products to make yourself better. I'm angry with the way the world is sometimes.
Maybe what I feel can be encapsulated in this:
A beautiful woman who is not necessarily clever is judged less harshly by the society than a smart woman who is ugly.
Wow feelings here are quite intense huh!
I went through a similar phase some months back. Felt like there were pretty, branded things everywhere that I wanted to buy but couldn't afford.. Went broke from shopping during that period.
Then the feeling just faded away (mostly after I looked at my bank balance, and realised i didnt even have enough to eat).
I guess the messages are always there, that women aren't beautiful unless they have that perfect, flawless complexion, slim figure. lovely curled mascaraed lashes.. etc.
It's really whether you see them.. Have you asked yourself, what made you notice them more..?