Seems like as I grow older, the more I learn of misfortunes and tragedies around me. Maybe ignorance is bliss, but no one can live in a bubble forever. In a way, everytime we hear about someone whom we know pass away, we get a rude shock. A reminder that that too is our eventual fate, that life is full of changes and the unexpected. Sim, I'm sorry to hear about your friend, I didn't say much when I first read your post because I didn't know what to say. But recently, I too had news that one of our family friend, a father of a chlidhood friend passed away in a motor accident in Hong Kong. I never know what exactly to feel. Because the truth is I didn't and still don't feel much. His death seems so far away, so surreal. All I know are that words have been uttered that "Uncle A---- has passed away." And I try to picture how it feels to lose a father, or even just someone close, but I can't picture it. I think of what a blow it must be for my friends. The two sisters younger than I am. But other than knowing for a fact that I should feel sad, that it is a tragedy, I felt too little. I wonder if I am cold. Perhaps I should feel more. Afterall, for a time, our families have been pretty close. But all I know is that I am thankful, I am still alive, I am thankful, my family is safe and alive. I know it is selfish, but other than a deep thankfulness that all my loved ones and closed friends are well and fine. I feel an equally deep knowledge that I can't change anything, and am powerless against the dictate of fate or whatever greater power there is.

I can't even comptemplate what meaning or light may be shed on my own life. Other than the fact that I'll never know when something unexpected may take away my life, my mind, my freedom. Carpe diem never seemed more ominous a warning. Seize the day, for you'll never know which is your last it seems to say sometimes. Especially when you get that rude shock that "It could have been you. It could have been anyone." All I know is that, should I die. I have never regretted a single day of my life. I think that that might in itself be good enough. Although I use to think that I must do something to help better the world, that I should at least have some accomplishments before I die. I no longer think that. Because sometimes, the smallest things we have done may have been the impact that we have left. Like the speaker the other day in class. I loved her speech so much, I went to talk to her after the class ended. I told her how amazing it is that she is putting her gifts to good use, making changes and doings things which matter to her. She said quite simply and sincerely that I too, will find the place where my gifts will intersect with the world.

I think that is all that anyone can ask for, to be able to find a place where our gifts intersect with the world, and make a difference however small. But even should we fail to find that place before we are taken away. I think there is always the consolation that we impact people in seemingly insignificant ways, but we never know when we drastically changed someone's way of thinking. We don't know our own legacies, because we can only be whoever we can be, and we can never tell how someone may be changed by a handshake or a smile, or a simple line of encouragement. The small things are sometimes the greatest thing.

I just want to live simply and honestly.