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It's ANOTHER weird universe!!!!
 

I haven't been able to write anything for the longest time. Just bits and pieces of random, unimportant, vanishing thoughts which don't amount to much or mean anything. I've always thought it is because I have been distracted, or just plain lazy. BUt thanks to a friend's enlightening post, I found out the cause of this lack of inspiration. I haven't been feeling anything for the past couple of months. I can't explain this numbness. Just a disconnectedness from the world outside, and a tiredness that goes so deep, nothing is of interest, and nothing is important anymore.

Sometimes I get tired of the world. There just doesn't seem to be a thing that is worthwhile. NOthing beautiful or touching to get me out of my cave-state. NOthing I believe in with conviction and zeal, nothing to fight for, nothing to live for, nothing to think, feel and argue about. JUst day to day items on a to-do-list I must accomplish. I ma not depressed, but I am very very jaded. It's like my vision has tunneled into this boredom tunnel vision, I can't spot the amusing, the silly, the ugly, the pathetic, the miraculous--the stories have all vanished.

Not being able to feel is terrible. I look past homeless blankly. I don't feel sad when I hear of shootings. THe ambulance's non-stop insane screamings get blocked out. When the weather is nice, it's just blue skies in the background. I haven't felt the same connectedness to things the way I used to in a long long time.

Boredom is a disease I can't find a cure to. My curiosity have run its course, now it's just a trickle left. THe uninspired self just can't seem to lift itself to of its hole. I am not complaining, but that itself just seem to reflect my problem. I have nothing to complain about--I wonder if this is what middle-age promises? This comfortable numbness towards life. Maybe this is how alcoholics feel, this dream-state of oblivion which is yet another form of ennui. The humdrum life is but the symptom. The root cause--what I am feeling.

The thing now is, I have the diagnosis, but what's the cure I need?

There