In response to your thoughts of the dissolution of the traditional family structure

Li, as always we agree to disagree.

You know what's more disturbing than falling birth rates? The trend of having babies just for the sake of frivolous Hollywood glamour. It is a freaking trend here. Having babies is a fashion statement now, the Hollywood stars are having babies in bunches. While the Singapore leadership may be talking about the serious case of low birth rates, the Hollywood stars are giving birth one after another. I find it more if not equally disturbing than the fact that women and men are not choosing marriage, that having babies has become a fad. If Singapore faces the problem of a lack of babies, then it is true that over here that babies are being born underprivileged, unwanted, in bad family environment which daily exposes them to violence. So that they grow up only knowing violence, drugs, abuse and just plain horror I can't even begin to describe or even imagine. So many babies are born to different family structures other than the traditional form with both the presence of a father and mother.

I used to think that, hey, you know, only a proper nuclear family can give a baby/child the supportive environment it needs growing up. But coming here changed that view. I feel that there really isn't a right way, there are gay parents who adopt children who are abandoned. The structure of the family has very little to do with a parent or parents' capacity and capability to love and care for a child. NO doubt about it, single parenthood is hard. My co-worker has a four year old son, she is trying to bring up on her own. She is struggling with work, her personal life, and her son, whom she loves and constantly thinks of. I don't believe that there are perfect parents, I think everyone is thrown into it. Much like how we are all thrown into life, we learn to swim when we are thrown into the deep end. And some how we make do, in our own little ways.

At the end of the day, I think there is something much bigger when we talk about marriage, sex, family, babies. I think at the end of the day, it all comes down to love. And what that means to everyone differs, I feel that while procreation is indeed important to us as a species, love is the reason we are here as humans. And i don't mean that pink fluffy mumbo jumbo flimsy kind of love. I mean that kind of love central to our existence. Sometimes it is love for another person, or yourself, or your work. At the end of the day, having a family, children (I feel) needs as much preserverance and work as any relationship, as any passion. I feel, anyone who is not up to that kind of love, gay or straight, rich or poor, single or married should not think of having children.

AS everything else in life, having children, forming a family is a conscious choice, and God knows there'll be days when you'll just feel like saying "Fuck this. What was I thinking, I would rather just go to Bahamas for a luxury cruise." rather than waking up at 4am to feed the baby, or having to pick up your child from school after your long day of work, or just having to share your life, cutting up the pie of your precious time for someone else. I think it is the same, for a child or for a lover. While I do not deny that family, as the basic building blocks of a society is the life blood of a nation. But having babies or forming families merely for a patriotic reason or as a social convention is really doing it for the wrong reason. I believe quite firmly that we are here on Earth to find love and give that love in whatever we do, whether it is for another person, a child or for your passion. I don't think it is all that important whether your love is of the same sex as you are, whether that child you love has the family structure deemed normal. And this love is non-exclusive, and to say otherwise would be reflect so bleaky on our place in this world, I would much rather be accused an idealist than give up my believe in this principle.