Friendship at 26

So many thoughts and these knots inside my chest. Dear Jing, thanks leh.. Thanks for always being there. Talking to you makes me feel so much better. Maybe it's a thing of misery loves company (not that we are miserable, but I just feel so lost. And God turning 26, aren't I supposed to know a thing or two about life by now. I still feel like a baby, I guess even if it's knowing that someone is as lost as you--makes the night feel less dark.)

I know it's silly, but I always feel fine until you call, then I feel sad and lonely after we put down the phone. All these little concerns like phone bills and time differences. (Go back into our self-indulgent, sentimental mode) Why? Why can't we just meet up at East Coast Beach and head to Kenny Roger's for mac cheese?

On the phone, I always get caught up with complaining, complaining about life, about age, about everything that stresses me out-- this country, school rejections, insecurities, relationships. We say goodnight and then we hang up, then I realize I forget to tell you how thankful I am. I know, I know, you say: don't say thanks--too weird--that's not how we used to be when we hang out. But I forget how blessed I am. And then I feel so small and far away. I don't care who curses technology and claim that it is diminishing real-life relationships--I am so thankful for it.

You know, you are right leh. Nothing can ever replace secondary school friends. They are a special group of people. And I still stand by what i say, even though I am so many miles away, even though I haven't seen all of you or talked to you or even emailed you. It still feels like this is one thing that will never change. We'll always be friends. And how cheesy to say that now, but remember our favorite song that year we graduated? "As our lives change, come whatever, we will still be friends forever." And I believe that. I know, we are idealistic people, me and you. But I believe in a lot of things. If what they mean by growing up is to give up all these beliefs, I would much rather hang on to them and be labeled a child. Because to me, they are what matters.

All right, no more mushy talk about friendships. But I miss all of you. And you are all in my thoughts tonight. I hope all of you are happy this very moment. (Even if you are not, I'm still here. And chances are, I'm just as lost as you are.)