Day 1

"He's dead. That's the end. Everything's over , finished. What's the good of talking?"
"We both loved him."
"I don't know. You can't know a thing like that --after-wards. I don't know anything any more except--"

Graham Greene, "The Third Man."

How can I know a thing like that afterwards...Day 1 is always the hardest, but I guess over time it would hurt less and less until it wouldn't matter eventually. I guess it's the small things I am missing right now, calling and talking at night, silly word games. When I was younger, I used to think that love is solid and I can grasp it, but now I feel that I don't know it at all. Maybe Lee was right--when he said he doesn't know what love is. Neither do I. Of course, there is crying. But even though it hurts right now, it may not be a bad thing in the long run. Something better may come of it, this is the optimism I will carry. Perhaps, we both deserve someone better.
And, I have faith that there will someone who will love (whatever that truly means) me just around the corner.