Sentimentality

That is my great sin. But no more dwelling on sad thoughts tonight, I feel old and tired enough. Don't feel like theorizing, or even writing. Just so damn tired. But yesterday, on the train, there was a little boy, staring at the uni-cycle locked up by the train door. He kept asking whose it was and if he could have it. When the owner of the unicycle revealed himself, he asked him: "Do you ride it? Are you disabled?" And the man replied, "no I just walk around with it." the joke was lost on the boy, but the boy asked, "Did you fall down a lot?" "yeah. "The man said and rolled up his trousers to show his scar on his left leg. THen just before the train got to the 16th street station, the man said to the boy, " Look out the window later. I will ride this for you, for one second." The doors opened and the man got off. And true to his words jumped onto his unicycle and rode for a short second before his disappeared. But that smile of joy and wonder on the little boy's face didn't fade for a long time. I was smiling, as were everyone else on that train. But later even as the boy to continued to smile and squabble with his brother, I felt incredibly old. It is in moments like this that I feel that i have lost my innocence. That bold, fearlessness of the world as a safe and perfect place full of curiosities fades in time. And in that moment I wish that I lost all of my cycnicism and that I can trust with an open heart and love fearlessly. And I wished I had the bravery of the very young, and the honesty and courage to trust, to love, to ask questions and to find joy in the simplest of things.