Patient: stressed out Student
Symptoms as follows
I am currently having
1) panic attack- 3 papers due in coming week and I am still researching on only 1.
2) Desperate urge to complain attack- I feel bloody frustrated, and other than laughter(the best medicine), we can also choose complain (the 2nd best medicine). Which most Singaporeans make full use of.(myself included) [Work wonders: am feeling slightly better already]
3) Nerves- An upcoming 5000 word science essay gives me the shivers. I haven't even started researching on it yet. [Cure: Hopefully, an extension of deadline.]
4) Suppressed constant Boredom- Incurable [suspected an inborn disease]
5) Frustration- [long term cure: a holiday, short term solution: chocolates]
6) Exam fever- [cure: let it run its natural course,no cure. Attack happens every 6 months. It is contagious]
7) Madness
read this really cool quote:
Life - is a disease: sexually transmitted and invariably fatal.
(A rather grim view on life, don't you think? Haha but gotten give it credit for being such a smart-ass quote.)
By: Nippy | Sunday, October 30, 2005 at 12:52 AM | | 
Once in a while, I get sick of all this talk about how we are all bastardized Asians. We have lost our roots and we need to find our identity. And Asian values blah blah.. It's enough that the government has been going on and on about it. Even people around me now are giving in to this kind of rhetoric and actually echo the govt's message. It's true that the younger generations grew up in a culture that is heavily influenced by American TV, Hollywood, Mcdonalds. It is true that we don't sprout Confucian philosophies and we don't have a good mastery over Chinese. But quite frankly, that doesn't make us souless Asians. We are not drifting duckweeds while "genuine Chinese culture" can be firm roots. And we should all revert and try to rediscover our roots. That is a superficial view of what it means to be an asian in the 21st century in the globalized world we are in. This talk when even adopted by people my age, becomes rather naive.
Take a look at China, it has talks about turning Beijing into one of the most cosmopolitan cities in the world. I saw on news yesterday, a model of the 'future Beijing'. It is all high-rised, glass and metal architectures. The great wall of China, the forbidden city are beautiful and historical valuable, but they are to be preserved as artefacts of the past. They are no longer the symbol of modern Chinese identity in China. And we should stop trying to look for the things which prove to us that we are Chinese, and that we have that culture. We don't need to. It is like trying to find evidence that I am indeed a human because I'm unsure that I am one. Part of this stems from an insecurity on our own part. Being a Chinese is more than speaking mandarin, wearing Cheongsam. It is not a package that we have to have to be considered one. It is inside our consciousness, in our personal history and background, in our unspoken view of the world. We can't dress up as a chinese. It is not on our skin, in the colour of our hair. It might surprise many that more traditional Chinese religious elements survived in Singapore than in China.
Someimtes, I think the problem with Singaporean Chinese is that they lack the confidence to acknowledge that they are Chinese. They need to find evidence of it in their "tradition". But maybe there aren't evidence to support our identity. Maybe, all it takes is the confidence to know that we are Chinese. And that we are Chinese enough, in a globalized and multi-ethnic society like Singapore. So that we can finally stop looking for clues. because there really aren't any.
By: Nippy | Thursday, October 27, 2005 at 2:34 PM | |
"Long long time ago, I can still remember,
how the music used to make me smile
And I knew if I had my chance, I can make those people dance
And maybe they'll be happy for a while...
... I met a girl who sang the blues
And I asked her for some happy news, but she just smiled and turned away
And I went down to the sacred store where I heard the music years before
But the man there said the music wouldn't play.
And on the streets, the children screamed,
the lovers cried,
and the poets dreamt.
But not a word was spoken.
The church bells all were broken..."
-from the first and last stanza of Don Mclean's "American Pie"
By: Nippy | Saturday, October 22, 2005 at 4:05 PM | |
LOST.
Haha, not the TV show, Sorry for neglecting you guys. Hey Li, I read your blog, I know you are looking for us. (ha Well you found me again)
Sorry lah! Nippy has evaporated from ren jian for a week. Now it's magically apeared again.
School is super time consuming. "so little time, so much to do.."
Hey Li, really must meet up after the exams! Go for coffee or supper at the market near AHS.
But right now, it's still a battle uphill, once the war is over in Dec. I can be free again...
Nippy is officially DORKified, STRESSified, BOREDified. Ha and what's the surprise, I am a NUS student. And a very unhapenning one as it turns out. So there. Bye guys, I have to revert back into my stressed out, boring, dorky self.
[ZAP* Nippy disappears once again]
By: Nippy | Thursday, October 20, 2005 at 7:39 PM | |
Sometimes, I just feel like I'm making a one way communication. He just doesn't seem to understand. I try to tell him things to make him change. Nope, doesn't get it. Is it my communication skills? I just don't want to admit it. But it is probably me. To think that we face each other almost 24/7, but nothing gets through. And I am so damn dependent on him for everything. When he is not around, everything gets screwed. My school work suffers. I feel isolated from the world. I wonder why... Why...
It must be becomes we are different. Different species that is. In fact, we fall under different scientific classification. I'm a living thing, he is not. And it must be becasue we speak different langauges. And I can never get the hang of his language. So screw it! WE'll just lead our own existence in a parallel universe. So there!
And who the hell is he? He is my bloody computer. Actually, there is no reason why he should be a he, he is afterall just a computer. But I thought it is probably more exciting to have a "he" computer. Why? So you people who are always after a scandal will be curious and disappointed. (Wahaha)
But really this is suppose to be a reply to LI... hey Li, you there?
Hey Li, I'm a com idiot too, that's why I's stuck with this navy blue polka dotted blog skin. It is bearable looking, so I'm sticking to it. So no making my own blog skin. LUcky are those pple who even create their own blog skin. I can't communicate with computers. Must be the species gap. We don't speak the same language. Ay! Why you still no comment section? But no pressure lah girl. BUt how come even the tagboard also gone.. No choice, I'm forced to reply to your blog stuff on my own blog. Haha "Low tech pple of the world unite!"
By: Nippy | Thursday, October 13, 2005 at 7:51 PM | |
School is depressing. Empty.
.Stressed
.Rushing.
Bloody deadlines.
BUt why? For what?
Fucked up. fucked up. fucked up fucked up.
No apologies.
Just want some release.
By: Nippy | Wednesday, October 12, 2005 at 6:39 PM | |
Reading my friend's blogs gave me lots of thoughts. (Zueri's blog) She mentioned technology-the threats and illusions. [Ay Li,great post. Can you get a comment section?]
Blogging is a good example of the place technology has placed all of us, it is a neither-nor zone. That no man's land in between the private and the public. I feel that this distinction is getting more and more fuzzy by the second. Our very notions that there is such a dvide may perhaps be the very illusion instead of solely the security of computer privacy. Blogging space is neither public nor private, it is that embodiment of our technological age. What reality TV has started to undercut is now brought a step further by blogging. We can now access people's deep thoughts, and see their lives, without even their knowing. But the question to ask is, how much of that preson are we really seeing. Blog persona has tended to bleed into our real self. We all adopt a blog persona, whether we are conscious of it or not. The very act of censoring, filtering, editing our own lives for our blog readers points to that. Is it possible to reveal a genuine 'me' when I myself do not know if there is such a certain, singluar, stable me? Sarong party Girl-how much of that is a persona she adopts? Or is it the liberation of her true self? that question cannot be satisfactorily answered. I create myself moment by moment. And blogging is just another component of that creation.
Technology cannot be the sole cause of this flushing of distinctions, pushing of stable boundaries, I feel that it is more a cause of our modern society. The problem of identity has always been around, but the 21st century technology has probably given it even more grounds upon which to manifes itself. Blogging,technology only made this problem of stable, certain identity more complex than it already is.
But back to the 2 being sued for racism. Can we really draw a line that should not be crossed? The very nature of blogging makes this difficult. Are we punishing these 2 guys for their expression of their internal believes in a public sphere? Or are we punishing them for the fact that the public can excess their private racist thoughts? That is the very dilema of blogging. And the solution, doesn't seem to be in sight.
By: Nippy | Sunday, October 09, 2005 at 3:09 PM | |
I've just read this and it is so beautiful that I want to share it with you guys. It is from a lecture by Richard Feynman(a physicist) "The value of Science". Below is an extract of the speech.
"For instance, I stand at the seashore, alone, and start to think. There are the rushing waves...mountains of molecules, each stupidly minding its own business...trillions apart...yet forming white surf in unison.
Ages on ages...before my eyes could see...year after year...thunderously pounding the shore as now. For whom, for what?...on a dead planet, with no life to entertain.
never at rest..tortured by energy...wasted prodigiously by the sun...poured into space. A mite makes the sea roar.
Deep in the sea, all molecules repeat the patterns of one another till complex new ones are formed. They make others like themselves...and a new dance starts.
growing in size and complexity...living things, masses of atoms, DNA, protein...dancing a pattern ever more intricate.
Out of the cradle onto the dry land...here it is standing...atoms with consciousness...matter with curiousity.
Stands at the sea...wonders at wondering...I...a universe of atoms...an atom in the universe."
It is so beautiful, I was stunned. I don't always agree with his view on things, but he really loves science so deeply, and sees the world differently that it is touching (strangely). Seeing the world from the eyes of a scientist, it is quite touching to find that that view point can be philosophically deep and is really just beautiful.
By: Nippy | at 2:35 PM | |
The hell hole- home of the condemned, where eggs come from, writing 5000 word essays.
By: Nippy | Friday, October 07, 2005 at 10:27 PM | |
If only this equation is true, then I would probably only need to submit 5 pictures for my 5000 word essay. Neh, too bad, it won't work. Anyway, shall just upload some pictures, so that you guys reading won't think I'm always just typing words words words words words. This one is from my balcony. I love that place at night. Breezy and nice. Can always calm my nerves.
You guys know those Buddhist stupas, golden and gleaming on the outside? This is how it looks on the inside, it is so beautiful! I recently vistied Guang Ming shan -temple complex for my project, wow the place is soooooooooo chio.
Yeah! I've just finished ny 2500 word essay! [dream on..dream on]
By: Nippy | Wednesday, October 05, 2005 at 12:43 PM | |
reading the news today, made me shiver. Three years on the very day after the last Bali bombing, it happened again. Just last friday, I thought: if there should be a terrorist attack on the mrt, it would be so horrific.
No matter the motivations, no one's life should be made a price of politics. I am horrified, at the kind of world we are all in. Maybe the fact that we think we are safe, is a mere illusion. Terrorism is a form of politics. So is democracy. Our world is dominated by politics, and the price now includes even lives of the innocent. But maybe I'm kidding myself, no one is really innocent. We are all part of the political systems of our world.
The front page of the Straits times today showed the horrendous carnage of the Bali blast. Several pages later, Us secretary of state, Dr Rice's speech is reported. She said "In a world where evil is still very real, democratic principles must be backed with power in all its forms." She called the terrorists "merciless killers". But I wonder if democracy is really the cure to terrorism? Wouldn't the terrorists be saying the exactly same kind of speech on the other side?
Terrorism is a political evil. It is not as many would perhaps think a religious one. Can political evil be countered by political principles (democracy)? Political evil can never be stopped by politics, it only aggravates it. I am pessimistic and look in fear to the world that is to come. Has peace become a kind of naviete? I hope not. I would loath to live in such a world.
By: Nippy | Sunday, October 02, 2005 at 3:27 PM | |
If anyone wants to take a trip into the minds of psychopathic comic criminals. Go for batman comic series. It is seriously sophisticated comic. I just finished
Arkham ASylum, the graphics are (gasp) amazing. If anyone has played silent hill (the video game), the graphics are similar. Distrubing, but very very cool. Haha I'm not a crazy comic fan, but this one is so cool. And the writer did a pretty good job of allowing us a glimpse of these criminals' minds. (dark, distorted, but also startlingly clear) These so-call crazy characters are presented as having a sick but beautiful mind. I'm so impressed! Batman comics tend to have a lean towards dealing with psychology. Yeah yeah, I know what you think, Freudian theory gone cheap, but it's really enjoyable. Hey, even Freud thought some of his patients delusions were beautiful. Why can't comics bring this across?
"The moon is so beautiful. It's a big silver dollar flipped by God. And it landed scarred side up, see?"
-Harvey Dent (2-face)-he makes decisions by flipping a dollar which is scarred on one side, if it lands scarred side up, he kills.
"It is quite possible that we may be looking at some kind of super-sanity here. A brilliant new modification of human perception. More suited to the urban life at the end of the 20th cenutry...He can only cope with the chaotic barrage of input by going with the flow. He creates himself each day. He sees himself as the lord of misrule, and the world as a theatre of the absurd."
-lady psychiatrist on JOker
By: Nippy | Saturday, October 01, 2005 at 9:44 PM | |
