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It's ANOTHER weird universe!!!!
 

It is quite pointless to try to please other people. I don't know why I still try. Why do I have some kind of delusion that if I try hard enough, someone will recognise me in my effort. People don't. It is always the people who don't give a damn that others try their best to please, not those who try too hard to please. It's been like that with my mum since I can't even think back how far. I am always trying to please her, but honestly, I am waiting for the day when I no longer give a shit. And I'm not saying this in anger, but to not give a shit is a kind of freedom that I think we sometimes must learn to take. It hurts when we put too much enphasis on the way we are judged and defined by others. Sometimes it is great not to give a shit, especially to the people most dear to us. It is sometimes self-affirming and we all need to take that time to just be ourselves and not give a shit to what anyone of anything else think or have to say about us.

I think there is truth in the fact that everyone is a bit of an asshole. We just take people who try their best to please us for granted on the other hand we treasure people who won't lift a finger. I think it is ok to live with the fact that I am not perfect and never will be, without having anyone else bring it up like an accusation. Growing up is learning to deal with our own imperfections and attaining maturity is to learn to accept that others will always notice our imperfections first before anything else.

We are not invincible to the words others say and the looks others give, but sometimes it is ok. To not give them and their looks and words a shit. I think. It is perfectly ok to just say: Whatever, I don't give a shit.

By: Nippy | Monday, September 29, 2008 at 11:19 AM | |

PEOPLE PEOPLE PEOPLE..... Just looking at Li's photos of you guys, I really miss you all. Well, thank heavens for technology.. I can still see your faces (however unglam or unbelievably feminine) MAybe I should update you guys too....

Still in school, my second semester in city college, meeting some new friends, although finding ones I can truly bluly click with may take a while... But all is good. I'm in a literary magazine class and I will be helping to publish a school literary magazine, met lots of interesting people. One guy in the class is a fire performer and at a fundraising party at the teacher's house last night, he twirled a fire staff... Woooo... That's all I say about seeing this ordinary guy who puts fire on his palm and can breathe fire.

Another guy plays the jazz piano beautifully. All the while I was thinking..wow and his voice. He has this nice silky deep voice black men sometimes have.. and when he sings. WOooHOOo... I got all warm and burny, but maybe it was just the wine.

Mica, a pretty lady, has her own cd and is a solo performer. I feel honored to just be in the company of these people each with their own quirky passion.

And of course, hearing poetry recital in the garden of the teacher, as students and teachers all took a brave stand and read something of their own. It was great sitting in that little garden listening to the intimate and beautiful exchange of stories, poetries. Hearing the sound of the trees, and the dark approaching. In the end, we were all sitting out in the dark, with only a little miner's lamp and someone else's voice.

I keep thinking, how passion keeps these people going. I too, need to go after my passion. One thing I learnt moving here, other than to embrace freedom is to be brave. Who cares if I look bad, if people may think my silly, or laugh at me. I need to groom this recklessness. MAke myself insensitive to how others might look at me. I still have a long way to go. But hey taking the first step is always a step, even if this may take a lifetime to master.

By: Nippy | Monday, September 15, 2008 at 7:19 AM | |

Ok. Here's the thing. SOme things don't change. Had another one of those family fights. Sigh. I'm getting tired of it, if the rest aren't.

I want to be away from my parents... IS that a bad sign? Or maybe a good one.

I want to move away away away away away away away away away away away......................................










from



my




parents.

By: Nippy | at 7:02 AM | |