So I have moved. Finally~. (that was a sigh of relief) Because, finally I am going to be able to have my own space. My parents are a lot less stressed. After all they can finally be the masters of their home again. Everything is all over the place right now. My shoes (for work) have mysterious gone missing. Everything is kind of (well not kind of--as a matter of factly) in a mess. This reminds me of the time I just went over to Singapore when I was 7. We slept on mattresses on the floor, our living had nothing but a T.V on the floor. We rented a 3 bedroom apartment at Ubi. I still remember those early happy days. Well I'm not 7 anymore, but moving into a new place still has that excitement. At least until everything is more settled, I will have that feeling of being in a hotel somewhere in a foreign place, and have to be hunting around for my stuff in boxes.

I can't wait for those mattresses to arrive. Because I am tired of sleeping on the floor.

By: Nippy | Saturday, June 28, 2008 at 6:14 AM | |

HAha Sophia, I like your "America is not the easiest place in life in." Well, there indeed is a lot of crap. Singapore is still too much being taken for granted. Well, to be fair, there are things about Singapore which is(to be honest) not too ideal. I still think there are too many rules in Singapore and too hard for things to get done and too little spontaneity in Singapore. But I don't see the amount of struggle people go through here in America in Singapore. The poor is visibly poor. It is a society which for all its talk about freedom and equality, is drastically unequal. And sometimes their talk of individuality becomes an excuse for self-centredness. And this self-centered view covers everything from personal ambitions, to corporate ethics, to views on relationship and friendship. I don't know. I hate sounding so negative, but the truth is, it is a place where it is hard to see people at their best. Well, to be quite fair, I have only lived here a year and a half, plus I have only been in San Francisco this whole time. But the place strikes me as a very unspiritual place. A city for all its beauty, and quirks is blend and profane. I don't mean this in an insulting way. If anything my comment stems from a disappointment.

Some time ago, I decided that the characteristics of a city lies in its architectures, the layout, the sounds, sights, smell and sounds and the experience of space. Being in a city, living in a certain city, we are accustomed to seeing things from a certain perspective, angle, being used to certain aesthetic sense of experiencing space. When I was in Hong Kong the experience of the city jumps out at you. It is the pace of the movements of things--people,, cars, trains, information, words, graphics, colours. Everthing jumps at you. The city speeds along on various levels. Height becomes something people are accustomed to. Their highways are built on steep mountainous slopes. On a bus, one looks down to see from a great height several layers of highway traffic. Here, the city is often flat. I am always close to the ground. A certain dimension is missing. Sometimes, I feel that this flat way of experiencing space is echoed by the way people sometimes are single-minded and simplistic. It is not that they lack intelligence, it is that like the city, people here sometimes lack the ability to see otherwise , there are so many angles to look at things and they tend to get stuck on one. Their angle from where-ever they are standing. The inability to see otherwise fustrate me. The city is divided into various parallel lines which intersect one another. We are constantly walking on a grid. Corners are sharp. everything makes one think of squares. Because of the parallel streets, the squares and the corners. It is very hard to see buildings from several different angles. Usually, we are used to seeing buildings from a certain angle. (UNless someone wants to explore on purpose) if not certain views of buildings remain hidden). I miss spaces around buildings for me to wander around and explore. Here everything is stuck side to side.

San Francisco lacks spirituality. I miss the churches, temples, mosque I use to see on a bus or train ride in Singapore. BUt it is not that san Francisco does not have religous architectures, but it is the spaces surrounding the architectures do not promote spirituality. There is no pause on the landscape for thought or reflection. I did not understand the beauty of the HDB void deck until I got here. The Void deck , the corridors in HDB are actually more beautiful than we know. that space. A whole level of nothing. A pause, in the morning on our way to work. A pause, in the evening when we are back from work. A pause, at midnight when I loss sleep and need air. I have decided that is what I miss most--pauses in landscapes/cityscapes. In a way, this is also the characteristic of people here--forever on the run to do something. Sometimes we all need a pause. A fullstop at the end of the sentence can be quite refreshing. A second for thoughts. To sink in. to form. to burst. to distract.

By: Nippy | Friday, June 20, 2008 at 2:17 PM | |

Sophia you're right
time to stop with all these
greying
drying
dying thoughts
life's too short for all this
moaning mooning mowing mooing
and complaining

I am moving
next Saturday
I can't wait
for the new once again
to discover once again
about my world
myself
the people
in and out
and around and beyond
my world

For everything
there is the beginning
then it gets hard
then it begins once again
that's the same with
the seasons
life
time
days
nights
moons
Things die fade break decay
then they grow again
someone is gone today
the same moment some one else is born
to discover
to see
to hear
to smell
to taste
and love
The World
but most importantly.
Life

By: Nippy | Friday, June 13, 2008 at 11:49 AM | |

Ever since I moved here, there have always been this feeling of confinement. I often feel trapped, there are all these invisible pressures. Mostly, it is familial obligations, things about etiquette and manners and even tradition. It is about doing the expected, I found out that sometimes it is not easy to rebel. It is the hardest when you know that rebelling does not necessarily bring change or understanding, Especially when you know that rebelling makes things ugly for your family. Family. It is hard to explain my mixed feelings about family. It is a support network, it is something important in my life, but often I can't help but feel that it is the very thing holding me back from doing more, finding our more and exploring fearlessly. I don't define myself merely as an individual, I define myself by my place in society, my family, the people in my life, the roles they play in my life and the roles I play in theirs, Sometimes it gets tiring though. Their concerns and expectations heal as well as suffocate.

I have also learnt that my growth internally is as much tied to the external circumstances and space as my thoughts are linked to the external physical stimuli. Other than the fact that the house is too crowded and cramped there is no space for mental growth and freedom to imagine. Because, imagination is tied to the stimulus of the external world. It is often the strange and the curious which triggers our imagination and our desire to create. that is perhaps why travelling can be such a big cause for personal growth on several levels. For me it is also spiritual. I feel that over the past year, I have lost a lot of my spirituality. I say spirituality not as something religious, but as a very personal sense of amazement and wonder for the world which, for me, is almost sacred. I do not ever want to lose this sense of curiosity and wonder for the world. I do not ever want to find the world no longer a wellspring of surprise and discovery, but a dry log of the expected grating on the daily necessities. It is a little hard to explain this new understanding, but the physical world you live in opens up the door to a rich inner world. That is why I think being imprisoned is such a torture. The bars are not just physical confinement, but they are mental, emotional and spiritual cages. I have said I want to live freely. It is my deepest wish that I may be so blessed as to have this kind of freedom I am talking about. The freedom to explore, taste and live the world and absorb it as my own. As my life. And the imagination to partake of all these gifts and use to envision even more than the world may offer. Because I have learnt to cherish this freedom deeply. This freedom is space. It is the blank page of a story, a blank canvas of a painting, it is the space to wander and wonder. And I say thank you to people before me who have cleared more space so that I may have them. And may we all be carving more spaces wherever we are,so that new dreams and visions can be given air to live.

I can't help but feel that there is something special out in the world waiting for me. Waiting for me to stumble upon some neglected, ignored treasure. Like a fallen leaf which because of the angle of sunlight makes it unique and special.

By: Nippy | Tuesday, June 10, 2008 at 1:55 PM | |

It is 2.30 am right now. I am supposed to be asleep. Supposed. But I just discovered my hips! And also my abs! I can move them. (i know I know--don't laugh) But I have never been much of a dancer. You know, picture me swinging side to side awkwardly, bobbing my head crazily. JUmping up and down. BUt man! Now I can actually swing my hips (ok they still look kind of stiff)--But THEY MOVED! I just gain access to controlling a part of my body which have hitherto been--woodified. THe slab of concrete actually obeyed my command and although clumsily, they still moved according to my will along with the music. No a big cause for celebration. But oh man. Beware. MAybe the next time you see me I can manuever my hips and abs and swing my butt to music and LOOK GOOD. For now it is still pretty unlikely. But knows. The hips work in mysterious ways.

By: Nippy | Sunday, June 01, 2008 at 5:32 PM | |